Talk dirty: 3 things to know about phone sex

April 29, 2016 About Smut, ebooks, Writing Comments (0) 214

There’s more to phone sex than just dirty talk. Here are some things I learned when researching for my new erotic short story about oral bliss and the art of dirty talk.

Some of my biggest turn-ons are of the intellectual variety. That’s why narrated fantasies play such a big role in my stories. Reading naughty books to each other, or revealing secret fantasies – that’s the oral sex I lust for. There’s something incredibly intimate in baring your soul, your desires, and fantasies to someone else. And there can be a heady component of shame and embarrassment in it, the secret sauce to my favorite dish. With this oral fixation, it’s no surprise that I would find a story in my draft-drawer (hah) centering on phone sex.

Fiction – fantasy – is the vehicle that brings your inner yearnings out into the open. It offers a safe playground for characters to explore their needs and wants. I employed the reading of a naughty book as means of communication and exploration in Penelope’s Choice. And this Beauty and the beast story owes its existence to the framework of a story as well. It was a naughty fairytale made to fit into the style of a fictional Book of twisted fairy tales a priest and a nun are reading together- but that’s another story. You’re here to hear about phone sex, after all.

Well.  This draft that I unearthed was terrible. Abysmal.
Okay, maybe not quite. The basics were there. A longing for intimacy on the male character’s part, and a pleasure in giving people exactly that in the female counterpart. But the first phone sex scene itself was just… wrong. Way too short and concentrating solely on getting Mr. Caller off quickly, instead of drawing out the fun.

Another flaw was that I had no idea about the workings of a phone sex business and was too lazy to look it up. Like Mr. Caller, I wanted to get off fast. Luckily, there’s the Internet, and a plethora of helpful search engines. Or, not SO helpful, because while I got plenty of tips how to talk dirty to your significant other, I found not so much about actual phone sex work.

I. The one need that fuels them all

A dry and dusty Wikipedia article was all I got at first. It was helpful as it did provide me with information about the technical aspects of phone sex services, like operators and advertisement. Things I need to know to anchor my story in reality. However, there was little about the art of the service itself.

Alas, the Internet wouldn’t be the Internet if there wasn’t something about the other end of the line, too. So, here’s what I learned about what makes good service and a great customer experience: Intimacy. I was on to that, at least.

The reason why someone calls a phone sex line in times of free Internet porn is that they have a specific need for intimacy. The erotic entertainer provides them with a personal and involved experience, one they don’t get by watching porn. They receive all the entertainer’s attention, and there’s a lot more to it than just moaning and groaning.

The strongest asset of a performer is their voice, and their ability to create a fantasy that works for their customer. Good phone sex is describing a fantasy in intricate detail. (Note to self: usually, that means it’s longer than just a page). It’s describing touch and feel and sensation, calling to all the senses. It’s more complicated evoking all this with your voice, instead of actually touching someone.

II. Kink galore

Of course, you have to find out what Mr. Caller wants. There’s a myriad of kinks out there, and as an operator, you should be familiar with the more common ones. There are limits to the acceptable kinkiness, though, and many operators stick to theirs. If Mr. Caller is into some nastyphilia, chances are that his conversationalist hangs up on him. A qualitative study by Kathleen Guidroz and Grant J. Rich found that

“Sex workers experience some combination of real and symbolic violence in their work; and the disembodied nature of phone sex work does not prevent workers from experiencing psychological violence. As in Flowers’ study, callers with interests in rape fantasies, other violent sex, bestiality, and incest were common.”

Kathleen Guidroz and Grant J. Rich: Commercial Telephone Sex: Fantasy and Reality; in: Sex for Sale; Prostitution, Pornography, and the  Sex Industry by Ronald Weitzer (Ed.)

On the other hand, Mr. Caller might have a truly hilarious fetish, and it’s essential to remain serious, no matter how much that laughter is tickling you to get out.

By the way, I’m going with Mr. here because the vast majority of callers are men, and men are the main target of ads. There are, however, female callers too, far and in between, as well as male operators. Yet, those cater to men as well.

The same study as above also found that workers sometimes sold their panties – worn and unworn – to callers. They’re making a side income with it, and let me tell you, that gives me plot bunnies. All of them.

III. Job Hazards included

Guidroz and Grant also point out that working as a phone sex operator poses a challenge to forming longer lasting relationships. The job comes with a stigma. This point opens wonderful possibilities for conflict in my story, although the real life implications are rather sad.

Of course, Mr. Caller would want to *save* Miss Operator from her sad fate as a sex worker. After all, it’s a degrading and oppressive business (never mind that he participated in it by calling her). It’s his assumption that she needs saving, that her job is something she needs saving from, that forms the real degradation. He should tread carefully. After all, her job comes with another caveat: Disillusion. The ceaseless exposure to sexual male fantasies can result in grim disenchantment with men. And once she sees him as just another one of *those*, it will be hard to get back in her good graces. Ah, I see a wonderfully intense fight coming for these two…

Things I learned
  1. The most important thing about a phone sex call is to create intimacy between caller and operator.
  2. Sexual fantasies can be scary, but the fetishes callers can ask are not limitless. The operator has all the power. If they don’t want to indulge a certain fantasy or fetish, they don’t.
  3. It can get hard to remain positive towards potential partners, and dating is a social minefield.

Alright… I think I’m ready to go back to editing now. I’m bubbling with excitement.

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