I’m having a busy week (why does the socializing always have to come all at once?), so not a lot of time to draw. And I still need to finish a story. But damn my brain, there’s already another drawing taking up space in there.
This one belongs to A Choker of Lace. I haven’t published it yet (although I’m finally getting close), but you can read the first 3 chapters of the prequel Initiation here on my blog (and I’m working hard on Chapter 4. I hope it won’t take another year to complete).
Read on for a raw, not yet published snippet! Continue Reading
My head is getting away from me with ideas…
This drawing is a total mess, but alas. The purpose of inktober is to make a drawing a day and get the creative juices flowing, I suppose – just like with NaNoWriMo, the goal isn’t perfection, but getting things done. Which is why I don’t even start scanning my sketches and drawings in to clean them up digitally and hide the mistakes and fuck-ups (although I do plan to realize some of them as digital paintings later on and get rid of pen-slips).
Is it very obvious, by the way, that I really have a thing for gags? It’s not only in my drawings but in my writing too. This one is an illustration of a scene in Sharing Claire. I reread it to remember the details, and I have to admit that I was a little hot and bothered afterwards. Read on for a snippet!
I asked myself why I’m drawing porn when the Internet is full of it. I’ll never manage to get anywhere near the incredible works of Apollonia Saintclair or Yannick Corboz, to name only two of my art crushes. In fact, I’ll never even reach my own aspirations, the dream image in my head, so why bother? The answer? Because it’s fun, and why the hell not. I’m fascinated by the connection between two (or more) people, by its manifestation in gestures and looks, and one day, I’ll maybe manage to capture it. (Also, practice. I still dream of my illustrated twisted fairytales, and as long as I can’t afford to hire someone who actually CAN draw, I’m still planning to do it myself… someday).
And boy do I have fun drawing porn. So much that today’s (K)inktober drawing has to go under a Read More. It’s a scene from my latest story, Mistress Marlene. You can read a snippet of the scene going with the illustration below the cut – in case you want (need?) some context.
Apparently today is National Coming Out Day – which made me think that I never officially came out to my family. On the other hand, I never felt the need to.
The majority of my mother’s friends when I grew up were gay, so I never got the impression that there’s an identity I could choose for myself that would not have my mother’s full support. I never hid my attraction to boys and girls. However, I never outright stated I’m bisexual either. For that reason, I’m not sure my mother is aware of it?Not that it would make a difference.
When I ended up with a guy, it meant a bit of a surprise to my friends at the time. Somehow they always expected me to end up with a girl (Heaven knows I kissed enough), and the whole affair with my ogre was a rushed head-over-heels-thing happening so fast that it felt unreal.
I’m not sure I ever came out to him. I continued to be confident and open about my attraction to my own gender as well as the opposite, but I don’t think I ever put it explicitely into words for him.
I’m a mother myself now, but other than I when I grew up, my kids have only little representation of queer identities (other than myself) in their life. I’m not a very outgoing person, and my social circle is tiny. Because of that, it’s all the more important to me to be inclusive when talking about sexuality and romance to show my girls that whatever they want to be and who they want to date (if at all), it’s okay. I think my kids are the only people I explicitely told about my bisexuality, but they’re the only ones who count.
Of course, they’re in that age where everything mom does is just embarrassing.
Apparently I ran out of motivation when it came to the background… plus, I ran almost out of daylight so I had to rush to snap my picture.
Maybe I should start writing little stories to go with my drawings. This one sprang from one of Ronald Drake’s fantasies – I’m mingling plotting and drawing today.
I needed this to cleanse my mind after reading the endless Twitter thread of #myfirstHarveyWeinstein. Each time I think I figured it out, I’m secure in my identity as erotica writer and manage to seperate the things I write from real life abuse, something drags my doubts back up.
And not only doubts this time. It’s incredible how many kids had to suffer creepy teachers, and reading those bleak statements brought my own memories back to the surface as well. The mind is a curious thing, and it buries so many things so well. Sometimes though, the coffins we locked our memories in rot away and let the demons out again. I was lucky to have a friend there yesterday telling me this valuable thing:
Do not let the creeps have control of your sexuality.
Which means, I’ll keep drawing and writing.
As for all my inktober posts, I’m determined to ignore SEO. I plan to bury these posts later on, and for once, I want to enjoy the fun of drawing and not put a damper on it with spending half an hour on figuring out all the things I should do to make this a SEO scoring blog post. Sometimes, there are things more important than that.
Who would’ve thought that snake-anatomy is such a challenge? And all those scales! And flowers! You’d think those are easy, but nah.
Today, inktober really is inktober for a change. It’s not that I’m running out of kinky inspiration, but it’s harder to draw the kinky things on the weekends when the whole ogre family hovers around stealing glimpses at my sketchbook. Did I mention that I’m keeping two sketchbooks, one for the naughty stuff and one for the *everyone’s allowed to see it* variety of drawings. To be honest, I haven’t used that one in a while.
I’m planning to write today (I have to get Chapter 4 of Initiation out, dammit), so I’m not sure I’ll manage to draw as well – usually my brain allows for only one of the two in one day, and my stash of spoons is often so limited that I even need to take a day off of creative work in between. That’s especially true after weekends. Days with everyone at home tend to drain me faster, so Mondays are my recreational days.
As my brain also tends to zoom in on one method of creation, I have to take care that I take breaks from drawing, otherwise I get too visual in planning stories and it gets difficult to turn them into words. I am a rather visual planner and most of my stories start out as tableaus I pictured in my head, or as a web of emotions and tangled actions and reactions; I learned that I have to harness the visuals into words rather than more images, otherwise I get completely tongue-tied over them.
That means today, I won’t work on my to-do list of kinky drawings and instead focus on turning the scenes I’ve planned out months ago into actual writing. Wish me luck!
I’m completely in love with how this came out. Hands are always tricky, so whenever I’m drawing hands, you’ll hear me complaining. But oh, I love gags, and my mouth has to be my favorite erogenous zone.
The Octopus Dream. I kow it’s technically day 6 of Inktober, but this is only my second drawing – hence, Inktober #2.
I used no reference for this one, and I had to slap my sketchbook shut every time the kids or ogre walked by my spot in the kitchen. Of course that was super suspicious, and it didn’t take long for the ogre princess to catch on to what I was doing (without ever actually seeing it). “Oh Mama!” she said in that special condescending tone all teenagers have mastered to perfection. Well, what? Let me draw my smut, darling. Mama needs it.
I’m late for inktober (and I probably won’t draw every day), but better late than never? I have to get used to my pens again. (What are shadows???)